Thursday, November 12, 2009

Does anyone else have "older sibling" parenting pressure?

My sister has twin sons who are 8 and a daughter who's 1. I have a daughter, almost 2, and a 3 month old son.


My mother doesn't tell me to do parenting things certain ways because that's the way she did it- she knows that's probably outdated.


However, she does think that the way my sister does things with her kids should be just fine for me, too. My sister formula fed her sons because she felt she couldn't keep up with two. I breastfed my daughter because I could and that's what's natural. I also breastfeed my son. When I was away from my son a few weeks ago longer than planned for a dental emergency, my mother said "You know you can just give him formula." Uh, no, not an option for our family.


My sister gave her daughter cow's milk at 9 months, when her doctor "cleared" her. I waited for 12 months, but really closer to 13 with my daughter, to reduce the risk of allergies. My mom thinks I take things to the extreme and am overcautious, thinking I should be more like my sister...

Does anyone else have "older sibling" parenting pressure?
well i am not in that situation.. but i am in situation that ppl think i am over reacting to my kids safety, and i am going over board. Even though every fiber in my being tells me that I am doing what is best for my kids. And bc of this I am in a horrible feud with my in laws.


My advice to you is to stick to you guns! You know whats right for you kids and shouldn;t let any one else talk you out of it or make you feel like a bad parent for it! In fact way to go! For sticking to breast feeding, and waiting till a year to give you kid cow milk... follow your mother instinct... we have it for a reason!! Just order thicker skin, and let her comments go in one ear and out the other!





Best of luck**
Reply:Ask your mother to be more like your sister. She can think whatever she wants, but to keep her trap shut about your lifestyle. I don't think you went overboard at all. In fact, I think your sister went a little crazy. I wouldn't feed my kid cow's milk before a year, nor would I give my kid formula if I was breastfeeding. Tell your mom she needs to back off.
Reply:i was told alot of things. just try not to take them too seriously. just let it bounce off your shoulder.





we all say inappropriate things sometimes. people are really silly.
Reply:Your mom just sees you as the "baby", her first-born is the grown up one and she expects you to follow her, probably like you did as a small child.





I think your sister is the one messing up though. All the pediatricians I have taken my children to said to wait 12 months before giving the children cow's milk. Your sister was probably pressuring her Dr to clear her babies early so she could save on formula! You are adhering to accepted standards, both with the milk and breastfeeding, your sister is the one who is messing with prevailing wisdom!
Reply:I breastfeed both my children til they were both over a year so that's no problem and you are not going overboard. Don't do things by the book, I mean break some rules once in a while if you think your children will benefit from it. Whether your sister is doing it or not. I gave my children Gerber made from scratch way before the doctor said I could like at 2months and were eating the highest stage of Gerber when they were not even close to 10 months, they are very healthy children who eat just about everything and not with excess. don't over do it, kids will be kids, you are forming their stomachs so if you are treating very fragile, that's how they will be.
Reply:I am still in that situation!


Here's me: breastfeeing a 15 month old, co-sleeping, non-scheduling, etc. My sister calls me bohemian. Also, we held off on foods until 6 months for both of our kids. When we finally started- it was to veggies, not cereal.





Here's my sister:


-schedules


-formula.


-Cry it out


-rice cereal and oatmeal from the time they were 8 weeks old and IN the bottle! Ughh.





My mom has backed off a lot- A LOT! For one she sees that our 15 month old has not been sick yet at all. They are amazed. Also, I have educated our families on breastfeeding. My mom was amazed that our baby could get everything from me that she needed and was a chubby baby!





So, between educating them and ignoring them, it works out pretty well. They did a lot of "telling" when our son was born- but he is a great kid and with autism- a really great kid despite this. They had said, "you'll never get him out of your bed" and he was out at 2.5 years.





I forgot- my mom is amazed too that for bedtime, it's never ever been a battle. When they are tired, they go to sleep at nap. When it's bedtime, no fighting. Ever. Why would a baby cry at bedtime when they know they are going to be nestled in with mommy and daddy??? So, she has eased a lot on the whole co-sleeping arrangement here too. Our 11 year old has been in his bed awhile now, but the baby and the birth of the baby thought it may restart anew. It really didn't. My mom has seen that eventually, he'll go to sleep in his own bed and so too will she.





Good luck to you! I hope it gets easier!
Reply:well i am more of the older sibling in this one





I feel my BF goes overboard BUT then again that her personality,





What is really bothering you is that you think that she doesn't think your AS good of a mother, when you FEEl your BETTER


because you follow the rules





You just have a diffrent parenting style,


your MOTHER, was allowed to give kids milk at 3 months





And with my first 9 months was when you were supposed to intoduce milk,





Now its 12 months,





Breastfeed your baby as long as you can,


your sister had twins, its not the same,





You might be over cautious, but Hell its not like we are talking about a Dog here





this is your baby and your family and you have the right to raise them your way.





And so does she,





So my suggestion, stop sibling rivalry, by saying to your mother,





MA , what are you trying to do start a fight,





Say i respect my sisters way of parenting, she is a great Mom





But, SO AM I





We had a great teacher, thanks





Now let me make my mistakes the same way you made yours.





OK





and thats it,





Good luck hun





M
Reply:I think if you're convinced you're doing what's best, you should stick to that. When me and my brother were little my mum was very strict with us, while my cousins got away with a lot more than we ever did. My mum could always feel my grandma thinking she was too hard when she wouldn't give into something, but one day when I was about 4 and my brother about 6 my grandma said to my mum "you know, I always thought you were too hard on those children, but now I realise you could take them anywhere and not have to worry about their behaviour" (which wasn't true of my cousins). My mum said this was a great compliment, and made her feel all her efforts had been worthwhile.
Reply:by the sounds of it you are doing a great job!!just keep doing things your own way,don't worry about what other people think.just because its there way doesn't make it the right way!!good luck


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